Three lessons packed into the little word “no”
I recently found myself in the common predicament of air travel – a canceled flight. After making arrangements to get another flight, I sat down to read a book. The ranting and raving of an unhappy customer at the ticket counter interrupted my reading. He was yelling, demanding a supervisor, and throwing his ticket on the counter just to name a few things.
When the screaming subsided, the airline’s answer was still a definite “no”. Although the associate at the ticket counter probably felt like the temper tantrum lasted hours, it only lasted five minutes. For me, it was a quite humorous five minutes. I found myself laughing because the gentleman’s emotional display reminded me of the occasional outbursts of my daughter when she was young and couldn’t have her way while shopping.
In those moments, I just wanted to do everything I could to pacify her so that we could get out of the store peacefully. In those moments, it was hard to imagine any possible positive outcome that could result from such embarrassment. In observing this grown man having a temper tantrum, I discovered a treasure trove of character traits that I taught my daughter when I used that simple, little word “no”.
Respect for others - This is the ability to show regard or consideration for another person. A temper tantrum is throwing aside regard for anyone except for the child himself. Because children first learn skills with their parents before going out into the world, putting an end to temper tantrums is the first step in raising an adult that shows respect for others.
Imagine how this plays out in the adult world when Suzy or Johnny enter college or the business world later in life and are trying to earn the respect of their peers or employees. In the business world, you must give respect in order to receive respect. .
Self-control – Practicing self-restraint is another characteristic successful adults exercise well. You only have to think about the adult who has no self-restraint and you can quickly identify many of the problems that can occur. Weight control, health problems, alcohol and other addictions, anger, communication and relationship issues, debt and other financial scenarios are just a few of the problems that can result from lack of self-control. Every area of life is more successful when adults practice self-control. Temper tantrums are one of the first opportunities parents encounter for developing a successful and well-rounded adult.
Patience – Learning patience goes hand-in-hand with delayed gratification. As an adult you already understand that you don’t get everything in life like you want it or when you want it. Controlling temper tantrums is the first step in teaching your child that same lesson. Raising the stop sign now and teaching patience will stop many wrecks along the highway of life. Allowing your child to take the drivers seat with a temper tantrum is setting them up for many of life’s wrecks. From wrecks in traffic on the morning commute to financial “wrecks” and even “wrecks” in marriage, patience is a characteristic to be instilled at every possible opportunity. With weekly shopping trips, you have plenty of opportunities to help your child get this one right.
The next time you are planning your shopping list, begin conversations with your child and put rewards and consequences in place that you can stick to. Before entering the store, ask them to tell you what the proper behavior and attitude should be. Remind them that temper tantrums will result in putting a favorite item back on the shelf. Many stores offer treats from the bakery to children. Start your shopping on the end of the store opposite the bakery so that the cookie is a reward for good behavior.
In the end, you’re not just preventing a temper tantrum that will make your life easier; you are setting your child on the path to greater success in life. That will ultimately make his life easier.
You can contact me at karen@inspirationtochange.org
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